HIII!!! It has been a longggg while since I have had a chance to sit down and write (and ive missed it)!!!
College is CRAZY but so fun!! Being real and transparent, first semester was really tough for me. Some old feelings of insecurities and loneliness started coming back up, which created difficulties. Making friends is hard, the new work load of college classes, living with someone full time is different, and it is just a huge growing period for a lot of people (me included). It was the first time that I didn't have a set schedule of activities to do. One of the big things that changed for me was that I was no longer a Transit leader for my girls. I didn't realize how much my faith depended on being ready for them, so in the move to college, I truly had to learn to have a faith of my own. I tried my best to take this time of transition to really focus and dive into the Word and create conversation with Jesus. No longer being in my comfort zone of high school and staying in my own bubble created a sense of feeling lost. The feeling like you are no known nor wanted. It is such a prominent insecurity for so many people, because we all just wanted to be accepted for who we are. But we are afraid we will not be accepted if we show our true self. Definitely easier said than done (and it took every effort to do this) but I really had to sit down with my creator and ask to be reminded that I am known. That I am good enough. That I am accepted for exactly who I am-- because HE created me and YOU! It was not easy, but slowly He reminded me where I belong, with Him. And quick side note: my sweet mama stuck by me through every hardship I was experiencing here and it was not easy. She was always there to talk on the phone or come up for dinner, so thank you mom for having my back then and always. I left first semester with pain in my heart, but it has all changed this semester... Jesus is SO good y'all. He truly is. It isn't easy to follow Him, because He asks us to trust Him blindly. But when we do trust Him, He truly changes EVERYTHING. He creates opportunities for you to have relationships with people who you never imagined having relationships with. So going through those hardships, I continued going to the Living Room (with a push from my small group leaders) and LOVED it, but I didn't think I was going to go through recruitment. I came into college on the fence about joining a sorority, but one night I just decided to go for it. In 30 minutes, I signed up and paid for it-- there was no going back. I sat there and thought what the heck did I just do. Was I really sure I wanted to do this. Coming back into second semester, something already felt different. I came back with a new mindset of the serenity poem: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference. This semester, I want to love people and invest in those around me. So, I rushed last weekend... AND LOVED IT! The morning of rush, I started getting really nervous, because I was about to be questioned all day and I had no idea what was about to happen. This is a little strange but this worked-- I stood in front of my mirror and told myself that I didn't need a new place or home to belong to because I found my home with Jesus. I reminded myself that no one can tell me I am not good enough or pretty enough, because Jesus told me that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I knew who I was going into rush, and I didn't need to put a face on. I knew that I was already wanted, because Jesus wanted me so much He died for me. So, rush started, and I loved getting to know and talk with everyone around me! Long story short, I fell in love with this one sorority. I came into rush with this pull in my heart to rush this one, but I still went into rush open minded. Well on bid night, I opened the card that had a bid from SIGMA KAPPA! Even in this short amount of time, I have had the opportunity to join a sisterhood that love me for me. I have had coffee and lunch with some of these awesome girls, and I have so much to learn from each of them. Not only joining a sorority, but also making genuine friendships with girls outside of SK has changed my mindset. Even though there are still struggles wherever you go, I am grateful for the people that have impacted my life and who love me for who I am. I wouldn't trade these friendships for the world. Never forget where your worth comes from, and even if you do feel alone, remember you're not. You have a father waiting for you with arms wide open. You are sooo loved. If you ever need anything at all, please never hesitate to email me at [email protected]! I check it everyday, and we can connect from there. You are never alone!
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We are constantly torn and pulled in every direction. Every single on of us have to do lists. If you write one or not, you are constantly making a list mentally of what needs to get done for the day. For students, it usually sounds more like what homework do I have or what test do I need to study for or billions of other things. We push ourselves to make the most of everyday and complete as much as we can. But why? We feel like everything lies on our shoulders, and we have to impress people by doing the most or getting the best grade or we want to get into nursing school (ME! :) ). We all have some sort of pressure to be perfect.
Last night at The Living Room ( a college ministry with Browns Bridge), Ryan Gray talked about Jesus' view on perfectionism. Well... this hit me hard because I constantly find myself striving for perfection. I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like a prisoner to perfectionism because sometimes if I don't strive for perfection, I feel like I am not good enough. Maybe it is just me who feels like that but maybe everyone has a little bit of that in them: that if I don't live up to my standards or others standards I am not good enough. As I have had to learned (the hard ways), I don't have to be perfect to be good enough because Jesus loves me right where I am. He loves me regardless of what I think about myself, what I make on a test, how many activities I am in, and anything else. He died on that cross for me and YOU! At the living room, Ryan brought to light Matthew 23:25! It talks about how you have to clean the inside of your cup, not your outside. Once you clean your heart and soul (by giving it to Jesus), your outside will be clean as well. He encouraged us to be real, and that isn't the easiest thing most of the time. We are so quick to close up about our emotions because we don't want others to see our struggles. Well here are a few of mine: loneness, sadness, anxiety, anger, confused, not good enough and so much more. Although I struggle with all of these things, I constantly try to give my heart to Jesus to turn those struggles into rejoices. From loneness to comfort, sadness into joy, anxiety into peace, anger into kindness, not good enough into good enough. I can't change those on my own, so I have to constantly give Jesus my crap and make the trade for His unfailing love and forgiveness. It is normal to struggle because we are all human, but I challenge you as you go through your to do list is add time with Jesus to be real and time to talk with a trustworthy friend or mentor to help guide you back to the love you so desire. As I sit here looking out over University of North Georgia, I am thankful Jesus led me here. I am thankful for the to do list He gave me, and the people he placed in my life. Without making the trade of my struggles for His love, I wouldn't be exactly where I am suppose to be surrounded with the people I love most. Making that trade of your imperfection for His grace is the best (I MEAN BEST!!!) decision you could ever make. So why not? Why not try it? Here are a few college updates that pile into my to do list: - Spending time with my incredible suite-mates! Talk about a God thing... I couldn't be any more grateful for having the best friends in the world and we live in the same dorm! They are full of joy, grace, compassion, love, kindness, and the list is endless. -Peace with anatomy. - Making time for quiet time... this one is actually hard because in college you get to decide what you do with your time. -Joyful outlook in every aspect Over the past few days, I have been pondering on this idea of time. With college, everyone says this is the time of your life, or make sure you manage your time wisely, or the time will fly by, and so much more. Throughout this big change in my life, I have kept praying and reminding myself you are exactly where you are suppose to be. You and I were created for such a time as this. We were made to make a difference with the time we have on this earth.
So I began thinking about the passage in Ecclesiastes chapter 3. It is titled A Time for Everything. It talks about there are different seasons of life, and how God created each time to be something special and unique. In Ecclesiastes 3: 11, it says 'He has made everything beautiful in its time.' It later goes onto say that no one can even begin to fathom what God has done for us from beginning to end. Like He plans everything. He knows your next step, and regardless of how you act He loves you anyways. What an amazing, loving, good good Father we have!! There are different seasons in our life that we have to love and embrace. Each season will bring new people to influence and love and celebrate the amazing things Jesus has done for us. With how fast pace life is and how quick time moves (LIKE I AM IN COLLEGE ALREADY?? WHAT???), never forget to make the most of the time right in front of you! Enjoy the little moments of laughing till tears with your roommates or the hibachi man calling you 'Baby Spice' and so many more memories we already have already. As you enjoy the moments right in front of you, don't forget what your purpose here is: to love others like Jesus did. Love them like crazy! People from your last season (and don't just drop them but continue to love on them), people who are right in front of you, people who creep you out, people who are easy to love, and just everyone! I am thankful for such an incredible Heavenly Father who loves us so much that He uses us to do extraordinary things even though we are just ordinary people. Thank you God for making everything perfect in your timing! Okay, so college is here, and not gonna lie-- its a little overwhelming and a lot to take in all at one time. Everyone wants to get involved so fast and meet so many new people. But the process is normal, and everyone has to get used to it. We moved in yesterday, and our room looks amazing thanks to Kaylee (my awesome roommate) and her mom. It took most of the day, but it was definitely worth it! The first night was amazing, and we met a ton of new people! I am not extraverted, so this took a lot out of me. I try to push myself to be extraverted, but one of my sweet friends reminded me that I don't have to change who I am because Jesus already loves me for who I am. Ironic thing (but really a God thing) is that NPCC IO just put out a new song called "BY MY SIDE" and I am in love with the song. My favorite part of the song is:
It's time for letting go Im not in control Jesus you are Jesus you are and wow. Just right there. Let that soak in because I had to let that soak in many times today. Everything kind of hit me today of that this a new chapter of my life. Now I am not leaving the people from my last chapter-- this is just a new chapter with new experiences and challenges. Listening to BY MY SIDE today just reminds me that Jesus is always by my side no matter where I am, no matter what challenges I am walking through, and definitely supporting me throughout the way. I am not in control of the situations before me, and I cannot change the phase of life I am in-- so instead I will decide to put my trust in Jesus and let Him take control. Because when the control is in my hands, I make a complete mess of things, but giving it to Jesus allows Him to make everything perfect in His time. But let's be real for a minute. You know when you know something and say it but don't actually fully believe it? Well yeah, you can find me in that boat today. It isn't that I am not trusting Jesus with everything, because I am-- but it is the letting go of control part. I am not good at change... AT ALL. I like everything and everyone to stay the same. But throughout high school, I've had to learn based on experiences that YOUR FAITH DOES NOT GROW IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE. So I want to set out of my comfort zone and meet new people and just love others well. So Jesus... will you lead me and use me to bring people to you? Use me wherever you need me, and Lord please push me out of my comfort zone to grow deeper in my faith, Thank you for what I have and what you have provided. You are Lord of all, and I know that you are in control. Well two weeks until I officially move to North Georgia, and I could not be more excited or more scared. Here is a small insight to my thought process of what I am most excited and nervous about.
Excited: I have an incredible roommate that loves Jesus, and I can not wait to see how God uses us this year! Nervous: I am leaving everything I have known behind and starting new for the first time in my life. Northpoint Community Church, my home, my friends, etc. Excited: To meet new friends that become family and just to experience independence. Nervous: Making sure I don't forget anything while packing even though I am only 45 minutes away from home Excited: Getting started on learning more about nursing and Spanish! Nervous: COLLEGE CLASSES! and keeping up my GPA for nursing school. Everything in my life is about to change in two weeks. I can not wait for all the amazing events, situations, and people I am going to encounter. I am thrilled that God led me to such an amazing school and people. North Georgia here I come! In this situation in particular (and you may relate to any situation in your life), I feel like I am walking into the unknown, and that scares a lot of us--especially me. With my personality, I feel as if I have to be in control of every situation, but in reality, I need to learn how to completely put my trust into the maker of every situation. Into the unknown reminds me of the story of Jesus walking on water. Like how cool would that be if you one got to meet Jesus while He was on earth, and two see Him walking towards you on the water in the middle of a storm. The storm for me is college right now--flooding my thoughts of the world around me. In the story, Jesus walks up to the disciples on the water and tells Peter to come out there with Him. Well Peter had no idea what he was getting himself into, but he listened to Jesus. Peter walked on water out to Jesus. Um I want to walk on water! That is the most amazing and scariest moment of his life. Like seeing the animals under you and knowing that you could sink and die at any moment! For the first half of Peter walking on water with Jesus, Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, but when Peter started thinking about the world around him and took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. Of course Jesus pulled him out from the water, and then He asked Peter why he had such little faith. In church the past Sunday, Andy Stanley talked about his wishes for us, the church. His first wish for us stood out to me the most: a courageous act of obedience that costs you something. He continued to say, "if you don't say yes to those internal nudges from God and ignore them for too long, then your faith may become stale." I pray that God gives me those internal nudges and that I will say YES to whatever He may ask-- even if He asks me to walk on water, completely into the unknown. And that is my wish for you too. Say yes to what Jesus is asking of you because you never know who you will impact. 'Lord, I pray that you will use me. Use me at North Georgia this year, and lead me to those around me in love and patience. I know that you have plans for my life, and I choose to trust you through the unknown because Lord, you are God of all. Thank you for loving me so well and sending your son to die for me. Thank you for choosing me. Bring me into the unknown.' "Dream small Don't bother like you've gotta do it all Just let Jesus use you where you are One day at a time" PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG! As I have said before in my past posts is that I connect with God a lot through Christian music. I recently came across this song and fell in love with it. One of the many things I struggle with is trying to do everything. It is hard for me to say no to someone when they ask me to do something. And I want to be involved, so I try to pile on the activities, responsibilities, obligations, and service. Now I don't just want to do the activities, but I want to complete that task to perfection and frankly just be the best at it. My personality is very perfectionistic which is one of my strengths but also one of my downfalls. I feel this pressure inside of me telling me to push myself far beyond my best towards perfection, but quickly I have learned that I am not perfect. I am not the best. And I have had to accept that, or I would just be miserable trying to make every aspect of my life perfect. Who wants to live that way? Throughout high school, that wore on me. I was trying to be the best student, the best Flood chief organizer, the best student athletic trainer, the best small group leader, the best friend, the best daughter, the best everything. I got tired real quick because that was impossible. If I didn't live up to my own expectations, I would be so down on myself because I felt like I could do better. I knew God had huge plans for me, and I just wanted to complete everything that I thought was in His plan. I was so focused on the big picture.
So when I was a fill in leader at the walk, God put something on my heart to do a devotional book with one of the girls. This book was called 'Grace, Not Perfection'. Just the title sounds perfect (hahaha) for me. We started reading this book, and I could not relate to this author more. She felt like she had to have her life together all the time and be the best at all the things she did. It wore her out just like it did for me. As I am reading this book, she constantly is saying do not miss the little nuggets of goodness. Savor those little nuggets of goodness. Find those little nuggets of goodness in your life. Over and over again she said this phrase, and I caught on. It made me realize that I should cherish those little moments that happen in our lives. Then this song came about. God's timing is perfect! In the chorus above, it talks about dreaming small and don't feel like you have to do it all. That is just an overwhelming sense of peace. Saying that it is taken care of by Jesus, so you don't have to feel like you have to have everything on your shoulders. It is just one day at a time. Another one of my favorite lines in this song is "these simple moments change the world", and it is so true. Those little, simple moments are little nuggets of goodness. Have you ever had a little moment turn into something huge? I remember when I went to Mexico the second year on a mission trip, one of the little boys I met the previous year ran up to me and started crying (actually bawling). I was a little taken back, but I loved on him and cried with him. Later to find out, he told me he thought I was never returning to Mexico and he missed me everyday. he explained that he didn't have a lot of friends, but the year before I was dancing and singing with him and made him feel loved, wanted, and not alone. Just that little act of smiling, dancing, laughing, changed that little guy. I miss him like crazy, but I pray for him. That is such a precious nugget of goodness. How do we dream small? How can we focus on those little moments? I challenge you to be who you are and who God created you to be. I challenge you to ditch perfection (because only Jesus can achieve that), and just start loving people. And I challenge myself all of those thing daily. It is hard to focus on the small moments when the world is telling us to look at the big picture. "Of course, there's nothing wrong with bigger dreams Just don't miss the minutes on your way, your bigger things" IT IS OKAY TO DREAM BIG. Jesus has huge plans for each and every one of us, but like the song says: don't miss the minutes on your way to bigger things. Each minute is precious. Each minute brings a whole new experience. Take that minute and use it to glorify Jesus. "Visit the widow down the street or dance with your friend with special needs." Every person matters. You matter. I hope you listen to this song because truly just reading about it doesn't explain or justify the awesomeness. My prayer is that we will ditch perfection and let God use us right where we are. You are a world changer-- one day at a time. Book Info: Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley (10/10 recommend!) This right here is one of the hardest aspects of life--especially in the world we live in today. We are constantly bombarded with things to do, people to meet, questions to answer, places to be, and the list is endless. We live our lives thinking what's next... or I can't wait till I graduate high school then college then get a real job then get married then have kids. This is one of the biggest things I struggle with because it is so easy to get consumed in that though process and not appreciate what is right in front of us. I feel like I am constantly planning for what's next, bombarded with life's next thing, and thinking how can I accomplish that goal to the best of my ability. Well quickly I had to realize that these aren't my plans or my goals, but rather they are God's plans. Within the past two weeks, I have experienced two types of peace. A lot of people think of peace as complete quietness out in the forest thinking about God and His creation, and sometimes I do believe that is peace just that. But, I have also experienced the peace in the middle of the storm. Everyone has their own way of experiencing peace, so I challenge you not to set a box around only one type of peace.
So, God has shown me both of those types of peace. About a week ago, I had the opportunity to go to the Walk '18 with North Point Community Church as a fill in leader for my Transit co-leader's InsideOut group. Words can not even begin to describe how much fun we had as a group, and the way God used this group that week was incredible. Jesus is doing some HUGE things in and through this InsideOut group, and I cannot wait to see how He uses them. So with any high school group, there was craziness. I believe when Jesus is trying to use a group of people in such a huge way the devil is running after them just as fast trying to stop the heart change-- and NOT TODAY SATAN. But within all of the craziness, heartache, spiritual warfare, there was peace. I cannot even begin to explain how Jesus just settles your heart when you give Him your worry. Just like in the story when Jesus walked on water and asked Peter to step out with Him. When Peter was focused on Jesus, nothing else in the world mattered and peace filled him, but when his eyes were off Jesus, he began to sink because he was worried about everything around him. But Jesus will always extend that hand for YOU and offer you His peace. Find the calm in the storm. As I am writing this today, I am sitting out on a family member's porch that overlooks their pool and is completely surround by trees. No one else is out here, just me, my computer, and Jesus. This is a lot of people's definition of peace, and man it is so nice. Sometimes it is so needed just to have that quietness and alone time with Jesus. When you are quiet and just listen, Jesus can calm your heart. It is so hard in our lives today to find that quiet spot and just listen for Jesus. This can be any spot for you, but I challenge you to find it. It could be sitting in Starbucks on a Thursday night by yourself, in your room at home, or even in your car in the Target parking lot. Jesus just wants you. He wants your heart. Find that spot and dive into your alone time with Jesus, because when you make time for Him, He will use you more than you could even imagine. Now, there are no right and wrong ways to find peace. Those are just two examples on how I find peace. Jesus is handing out a free peace card, so why not take it. Find calmness in Him because our lives are insane. We are all being pulled in so many directions, but remember whose direction do you want to move in. I want you to continue to always know how loved you are. No matter if you screw up, mess up, think that the mistake is unfixable, you are loved. God loves you more than you ever know and so do I!! There is no limit to His love.
Secondly, God created you just the way you are. He knows every hair on your head. He created you beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of him. He knew you even before you were born. Stay confident in who you are and dwell that you were made in the image of God. You are beautiful inside and out. Through all my experiences in school, I 100% recommend you be friends with everyone. I know that kind of sounds weird, but it will allow you to make relationships with people you never knew you could. I am definitely not saying be best friends with everyone and you definitely need that group of best friends to support you through everything, but keep your heart and eyes open to people. God is a people person and loves having a relationship with people. It will bring you so much joy knowing you can make someone's day but just saying " Hi ______". God will use you to do incredible things. Step out of your comfort zone. Take that scary step and just go for it. Meet new people, go crazy for Jesus, go on that mission trip, lead by example and your life will be forever changed. When you give that fear to Jesus, he will use you to connect with people and transform lives. Middle and High school is hard as heck. You will go through trial and error, mess up, be so confused in the problems of this world but I encourage you to take heart. Jesus told us when he was here he was like don't worry about the temptations of this world, take heart and He has overcome this world. You will get curious on different things you feel like "everyone" is doing, but please look back to God and trust Him. Following Jesus has been the best decision of all time. He will completely transform your life. Take advantage of the opportunity to connect with your small group and small group leaders. Be honest and vulnerable with them. God placed these people in your life for a reason. No matter what happens they will be there for you no matter what. And guess what?! Your small group leaders love you more than you will ever know. I can't even begin to explain the love I have you all you girls. Trust your small group leaders with everything. They will keep you accountable through every step. We want to be here for you!!! Pour your heart into them and they will pour it right back into you. God has given us an incredible gift of small group. Boys, oh boys. This is such a fun topic :) Middle and High school are so extremely tough that it's hard to date. Boys are immature at this age and sometimes don't have the mental capacity to care about someone in a relationship. But if you do, i challenge you to make sure of a few things first. What is the purpose of your relationship? If the purpose of the relationship isn't to Glorify God together, then he isn't the one for you. Jesus has specifically placed a man on this earth for you. He asks us to be patient and trust him. Secondly, are you confident? Many girls get into a relationship to find self worth. A guy can't do that for you. Only Jesus can. Fill that hole with Jesus and everything else will fall into place. Finally do your friends and family approve? Not just any friend you ask but ask someone you are close to or your awesome mama. These people want only the best for you and can sometimes see something you can't when you are in a relationship. And TRUST these people. When some girls get into a relationship, they put blinders up and can only see the good part. Be honest with those people so they can keep you accountable. Enjoy high school. Everyone says this but it is so true, it flies by. Freshman year you are like I just want to be a senior and be done with high school, but by senior year you don't want it to go by fast anymore. Take life slow and enjoy every moment. Laugh, be filled joy, have fun with your family and friends. Stay true to who you are though. It will be tough not to transform to the patterns of this world but when you stand up to the devil and show him who's boss (Jesus) everything changes. Also, AP classes are not everything. You will get into college no matter what, so don't take too many to overload yourself. You won't enjoy high school. Think of school as a place to make a difference. It is one of the darkest places someone could ever walk into. Not to scare you, but be that light. Shine that light that Jesus put inside of you!! And have fun! Love each of you more than you will ever know! I am and will always be here for you! I am only one call away! Today Monday April 16th,2018 was my Gigi’s funeral. We got up early this morning to drive down to swainsboro, GA to go to the church and cemetery where she was going to be buried. I knew today was going to here hard but didn’t know it was going to be that hard. Well a few days ago my grandmother asked if I wanted to speak at Gigi’s service and I said I would have to think about it. Well the other night around 2 am, I woke up randomly and words just started coming out of my mouth. I felt like God was telling me exactly what i needed to say at the service. Well I didn’t write any of it down at 2am, so yesterday I sat down and wrote the whole thing out. I started crying just writing it and thought to myself how in the world am I suppose to get through this tomorrow. Well I talked to my grandmother, Mom and aunt and they were all hesitant for me to read it just because it was long and they knew it would hard to read standing in front of Gigi. We got to the cemetery today and I went out earlier than others from the church were people were meeting to the gravesite. Man, I haven’t cried so hard ever, but even with the crying and sobbing I knew that Jesus was right there with us crying too. So the service started and it was amazing. The preacher spoke and some of Gigi’s closest friends spoke of her so beyond highly. Well my papa was up next and seeing him so vulnerable and sadden was just such an indicator of Gigi’s impact on everyone. My aunt read a sweet poem to Gigi and then it was my decision to go or not. I told my mom earlier I couldn’t just do to the fact that crying and talking don’t go well together. So I knew that I needed to read what God had put on my heart so here it is:
“Hi, I’m Lindsey Lawton, Gigi’s oldest great-granddaughter. I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate the impact Gigi had on my life, and everyone’s here. Recently, I had to go through my mom’s computer to find homework for a class and came across a poem I had written about my Gigi when I was just 10 years old. My 10 year old self described Gigi perfectly: It was called Gigi. My great grandmother Gigi is my best friend. She is always there for me. Loving, caring, that’s the way she is. Fishing, reading, painting, and sewing. She loves to do those types of things. And she loves me very much. Isn’t that perfect, and isn’t that what we all know Gigi for. She is everyone’s best friend. She will forever have an impact on my life and my heart. I know this is a strange thing to say at a graveside service, but I want to tell you all about the day Gigi met Jesus in my perspective. When I woke up that morning after I had found out, I looked at my YouVersion App which is just a bible app and the verse of the day was John 11:25-26: Jesus told her, “ I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never, ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?” Well, that right there gave me some peace, but I was still pretty frustrated with God taking my best friend, my great grandmother, my Gigi. I got up, went to church to lead my middle school group, and the series was named Death Was Arrested. Wow, God’s timing. My co-leader wasn’t there that Sunday, so I had no other choice but to lead these girls about this topic. The preacher was talking about the story of Lazareth. I’ve heard that story so many times in church, but wait wasn’t the verse of the day about the same thing. I started really listening to the service, and the preacher continue to tell the story of how Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen to Lazareth, but He still wept with Mary and Martha. He had compassion for the people because He saw how much they hurt. Something that really stuck out to me in that service was that every time Jesus addressed death, He said Lazareth fell asleep. Over and over he spoke of death in that way. Fell asleep. Then I started thing about Gigi. Jesus is right here weeping with us, but Gigi is just asleep. She is right up there with Jesus, and I know that one day I will see her again. God has perfect timing. He planned the whole thing. Gigi, thank you for your everlasting impact on my heart, and especially leading me to Jesus by reading the Bible together. We will most definitely miss her everyday, but I know that I will see her again one day. Lastly, Gigi gave me the book called I’ll love you forever when I was maybe 5 years old. For so many years, she read that book to me as we went to sleep at night. When she was in the hospital, I had the opportunity to read her the book one last time here on earth. She loved the song. It sang: I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be. Well I changed it that day a little bit… I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my Gigi you’ll be. Love your favorite great granddaughter named Lindsey” With tears in my eyes and sadden heart, I am hopeful that she is just asleep and that I will see her again soon. Today has been in of the toughest days because it’s a realization that I will never see her again on this earth, but I got to spend 18 years with her. With the sweetest, most loving woman on earth. She will be missed so beyond dearly but I know that she is up there partying with Jesus. When fear comes knocking, there You'll be my guard When day breeds trouble, there You'll hold my heart Come storm or battle, God I know Your peace will meet me there Again and again Oh, be still my heart I know that You are God Oh, fear no evil For I know You are here - Prince of Peace by Hillsong United As most of you know, Christian music is a huge part of how I am able to connect with God. I realized tonight that I have been so caught up with everything around me that I haven't really been able to sit down with God and just be with Him. Which is so sad because I LOVE spending time with Him, and I missed out of all those valuable days with not having true quiet time with Him. When I sat down with Him tonight, I just started flipping through my Bible and randomly (not so randomly--a God thing) started listening to listening to this song and reading the first part of Romans 6. First of all, the song that came on "Prince of Peace" is amazing, so I definitely recommend listening to that! That part that says that "Oh, be still my heart" just reminds me that Jesus desires that one on one time with us and just wants our attention. I found that it is so much easier to lean on Jesus through some difficult times rather than remembering to rejoice with him in the great times. He wants to there with us throughout the whole thing. But sitting down with Him and just let your heart be still and listen to the Holy Spirit. He will always be here for us no matter what we do or how we feel. But that kind of leads into what the first part of Romans 6 says as well. If you have time, sit down and take your Bible out and read all of it, but here is one part that really stands out to me. 1. What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 3 Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. It talks about even though Jesus is always here for us and will always give us grace He doesn't want us to take that for advantage. He wants you to see a relationship with Him as an opportunity to live differently. Yes of course He knows we will make mistakes and sin, because we are not perfect not will ever be. He later on says in Romans 6:6 that "we should NO LONGER BE SLAVES TO SIN". We are free. YOU are free from whatever is holding you back, but don't take that for advantage. Take that as an opportunity to live out your potential and live for a God who sent his One and only Son down on this earth to die for YOU. You are priceless, you are worthy, you are loved, you are one of a kind, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You can make a difference. Now in the craziness of life, I challenge you to do the same. I am guilty of putting so many things before my time with Jesus, but it is so incredibly important to sit and be still with God. The business of your life will follow you wherever you go and might not ever slow down, so you have to train yourself to take time for you and Jesus. Because He died on the cross for YOU, you will forever be able to talk to Him whenever and wherever. Well here are a few updated in my life during this craziness season: - I officially decided I will be attending University of North Georgia in the fall of 2018 (plan on majoring in nursing with a minor in Spanish--and I have an AWESOME roommate who loves Jesus and I am so excited to get to know her better) - Graduation season is coming upon us, so I am trying to sort all the grad part invitations and announcements out. As well as, my family and I need to start planning for the party. -We just attended the State Leadership Conference for HOSA, so after studying hard and practicing... I received 7th in the state of GA for Sports Medicine. -We just had our last Walking Wisely for our 8th grade girls. I am going to miss them tremendously next year, but I know Jesus has huge plans for each of their lives. -In February, we had senior night for basketball, and it was so amazing. I couldn't believe that those four years went by so quickly. -I recently took some senior pictures!! Can't believe I am a senior! *I will post some pictures of all the events that happened in the photos section!* |
Lindsey LawtonJust a college freshman trying to figure life out Archives
January 2019
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