HIII!!! It has been a longggg while since I have had a chance to sit down and write (and ive missed it)!!!
College is CRAZY but so fun!! Being real and transparent, first semester was really tough for me. Some old feelings of insecurities and loneliness started coming back up, which created difficulties. Making friends is hard, the new work load of college classes, living with someone full time is different, and it is just a huge growing period for a lot of people (me included). It was the first time that I didn't have a set schedule of activities to do. One of the big things that changed for me was that I was no longer a Transit leader for my girls. I didn't realize how much my faith depended on being ready for them, so in the move to college, I truly had to learn to have a faith of my own. I tried my best to take this time of transition to really focus and dive into the Word and create conversation with Jesus. No longer being in my comfort zone of high school and staying in my own bubble created a sense of feeling lost. The feeling like you are no known nor wanted. It is such a prominent insecurity for so many people, because we all just wanted to be accepted for who we are. But we are afraid we will not be accepted if we show our true self. Definitely easier said than done (and it took every effort to do this) but I really had to sit down with my creator and ask to be reminded that I am known. That I am good enough. That I am accepted for exactly who I am-- because HE created me and YOU! It was not easy, but slowly He reminded me where I belong, with Him. And quick side note: my sweet mama stuck by me through every hardship I was experiencing here and it was not easy. She was always there to talk on the phone or come up for dinner, so thank you mom for having my back then and always. I left first semester with pain in my heart, but it has all changed this semester... Jesus is SO good y'all. He truly is. It isn't easy to follow Him, because He asks us to trust Him blindly. But when we do trust Him, He truly changes EVERYTHING. He creates opportunities for you to have relationships with people who you never imagined having relationships with. So going through those hardships, I continued going to the Living Room (with a push from my small group leaders) and LOVED it, but I didn't think I was going to go through recruitment. I came into college on the fence about joining a sorority, but one night I just decided to go for it. In 30 minutes, I signed up and paid for it-- there was no going back. I sat there and thought what the heck did I just do. Was I really sure I wanted to do this. Coming back into second semester, something already felt different. I came back with a new mindset of the serenity poem: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference. This semester, I want to love people and invest in those around me. So, I rushed last weekend... AND LOVED IT! The morning of rush, I started getting really nervous, because I was about to be questioned all day and I had no idea what was about to happen. This is a little strange but this worked-- I stood in front of my mirror and told myself that I didn't need a new place or home to belong to because I found my home with Jesus. I reminded myself that no one can tell me I am not good enough or pretty enough, because Jesus told me that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I knew who I was going into rush, and I didn't need to put a face on. I knew that I was already wanted, because Jesus wanted me so much He died for me. So, rush started, and I loved getting to know and talk with everyone around me! Long story short, I fell in love with this one sorority. I came into rush with this pull in my heart to rush this one, but I still went into rush open minded. Well on bid night, I opened the card that had a bid from SIGMA KAPPA! Even in this short amount of time, I have had the opportunity to join a sisterhood that love me for me. I have had coffee and lunch with some of these awesome girls, and I have so much to learn from each of them. Not only joining a sorority, but also making genuine friendships with girls outside of SK has changed my mindset. Even though there are still struggles wherever you go, I am grateful for the people that have impacted my life and who love me for who I am. I wouldn't trade these friendships for the world. Never forget where your worth comes from, and even if you do feel alone, remember you're not. You have a father waiting for you with arms wide open. You are sooo loved. If you ever need anything at all, please never hesitate to email me at [email protected]! I check it everyday, and we can connect from there. You are never alone!
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Lindsey LawtonJust a college freshman trying to figure life out Archives
January 2019
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